Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
