How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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