thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
