I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is Oprah even human
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
