they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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