please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
