I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
