It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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