He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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