Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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