i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
