Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
