just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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