Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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