You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
