i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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