I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
