This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
