i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
