talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
