Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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