Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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