it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
