Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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