if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
