Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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