You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
