Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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