You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
