We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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