38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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