As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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