I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
