Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
