So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
