I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
