Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
