NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
