dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
