I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
