i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
