plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
