He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
