He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
