oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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