so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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