ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
