i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
