Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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