i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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