Sry I called you an 8
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
