Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
