I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
