just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
