I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
