no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
