You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
