I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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