I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
