I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
