I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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