Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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