Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
