make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
