based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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