Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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