I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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