I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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