I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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