lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found your dick twin last night
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
