Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
do nipples grow back?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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