i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so let's talk penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
